Going back

This is going to seem like a weird post, I know that I am not the biggest person out there nor am I the smallest. My eating habits have never been very good. I hate to use the word binge but that is the only way to describe it. I get get a snack and then when it is gone, I want more. I love food so much and struggle to leave it alone.

With that being said, I do so much better with my eating when I have regular exercise tossed into the mix. With my 3 sweeties, I have found it difficult to get exercise in because I hate getting up early and by the time they are in bed I am tired. Exercise video's are good, but I feel like I can't commit to some of the programs I would like to because and hour and twenty minutes seems like a long time to be off the "mommy grid" when I know they need me. I hate guilt more than anything.

With Ruby starting school this year it has truly opened up an opportunity for me, since she rides her bike I can put Emma and Eli in the stroller and jog. I have been going with a friend and I love it. I have found motivation, and it is exciting.

I am a complete yoyo dieter. I am very well balanced food and exercise wise and then I fizzle and go back to my habits. I think most of that has come from the fact that I LIVE AND DIE BY THE SCALE. If I lose what I feel I put in then I continue to do well and if not I get off track and stay there. I don't want to live and die by the scale anymore. I want to take care of the gift I have been given, not by feeling good because I see a small number on the scale but by making good choices that I know helps take care of me.

I am changing my perspective, if I do what I should to take care of my body, it will take care of me. I am doing an experiment of sorts, I have committed myself to better habits and the scale has taken a backseat. It feels fabulous not being defined by a number but by knowing that I am taking steps to love and care for myself. Physically and spiritually.

I don't want to be driven crazy any more by all of the foolishness I have heard, I don't want to have a complex about it. If I can do that, I feel like I will be one step closer to the real beauty God has intended for me. I want my real beauty to radiate from the inside, because I am good. I want to be that person.

I am feeling mildly naked now, ok maybe not completely so but more like coming out on stage in the red sequin bikini I always joke that is in the works. Is it strange that it is freeing? Come on in, the waters fine.