Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Going back

This is going to seem like a weird post, I know that I am not the biggest person out there nor am I the smallest. My eating habits have never been very good. I hate to use the word binge but that is the only way to describe it. I get get a snack and then when it is gone, I want more. I love food so much and struggle to leave it alone.

With that being said, I do so much better with my eating when I have regular exercise tossed into the mix. With my 3 sweeties, I have found it difficult to get exercise in because I hate getting up early and by the time they are in bed I am tired. Exercise video's are good, but I feel like I can't commit to some of the programs I would like to because and hour and twenty minutes seems like a long time to be off the "mommy grid" when I know they need me. I hate guilt more than anything.

With Ruby starting school this year it has truly opened up an opportunity for me, since she rides her bike I can put Emma and Eli in the stroller and jog. I have been going with a friend and I love it. I have found motivation, and it is exciting.

I am a complete yoyo dieter. I am very well balanced food and exercise wise and then I fizzle and go back to my habits. I think most of that has come from the fact that I LIVE AND DIE BY THE SCALE. If I lose what I feel I put in then I continue to do well and if not I get off track and stay there. I don't want to live and die by the scale anymore. I want to take care of the gift I have been given, not by feeling good because I see a small number on the scale but by making good choices that I know helps take care of me.

I am changing my perspective, if I do what I should to take care of my body, it will take care of me. I am doing an experiment of sorts, I have committed myself to better habits and the scale has taken a backseat. It feels fabulous not being defined by a number but by knowing that I am taking steps to love and care for myself. Physically and spiritually.

I don't want to be driven crazy any more by all of the foolishness I have heard, I don't want to have a complex about it. If I can do that, I feel like I will be one step closer to the real beauty God has intended for me. I want my real beauty to radiate from the inside, because I am good. I want to be that person.

I am feeling mildly naked now, ok maybe not completely so but more like coming out on stage in the red sequin bikini I always joke that is in the works. Is it strange that it is freeing? Come on in, the waters fine.


  1. I always do better if someone else is watching me. I even have a fitness blog! :) Thanks for the reminder that I need to get started again. it really is so important for just life in general. I want to play with my grandkids when I'm old. :)

  2. ashness, I just posted a bunch and it didn't post! cinders and ashes! anywho, let's try this again...

    May I join you in your sequin red binki? I'll wear my lime green one and we shall shimmy shake down the streets of white city while singing to neil diamond. It shall be a dream come true.

    Yes I am with you that weight is a feeling not a numer. However, the number can be so reassuring. I am sure any women who has had babies feels what you feel. I am feeling too.

    I had one RS teacher make the point that when we need peace and comfort do we turn to the fridge or to the Savoir? Knowledge and balance is the key.

    You can do it and I know you will excel. You have my full support. Go get them little Ashley tiger!