Sunday, January 26, 2014

4 weeks

4 weeks of having Jax here has gone so much faster than 4 weeks of pregnancy. We have had a plethora of emotions around here this week. We had to move Eli's bed time back an hour because he wasn't tired enough to go to sleep at 7. I am mourning the loss of that hour with just the girls, change can be hard sometimes. My girls have been on the more emotional end of things as well, and when my I am at my wits end (yes it happens) lock myself in my room with the baby and eat a treat and take a few good breaths.

Eli has spent more time in his room this week because when the girls are upset, he can't fight the urge to get in their faces and make things worse. However a trip to his room is the worst punishment, and you can hear that he doesn't like it because he hits his door super hard and cries, and then when he comes out he is more loving and willing to cooperate. Parenting is hard sometimes, and I would be an extreme liar if I didn't say that I love when my kids go to bed, it is my recharge time. I am spent by the end of the day.

Ruby an another classmate broke the good  behavior record in their class and could choose between a variety of prizes, my girl chose her reward to be eating lunch with the Principal. :)

Emma loves to get her time in with Jax in the morning right after Ruby leaves for school and before she has to leave, she sits in the rocking chair with him for at least 30 minutes every morning. She is usually our doddler when it comes to getting ready for school, this has provided great motivation for her to get up and get going so she can hold Jax.

Jax is growing and his eyes have lost that slate blue look, they have taken on a beautiful blue color and he is filling out and growing like a weed. He is such a hungry little guy and can go from content to a horrific purplish red color in a matter of 30 seconds when he wants to eat and we don't accommodate as quickly as he would like, he calms down just as quickly though.

He has given us his first few intentional smiles and when we talk to him it is like you can just see the excitement of it run through his little body. I love seeing his facial expressions and the girls like to pull the same faces and show them to me. :)

We had a fun visitor last week from Alaska. My aunt was here visiting her daughter who just had her baby the week after Jax and she called and came to see us. She played games with my girls and we had a fun time visiting.

Ruby had her dress fitting on Friday. It is beautiful, I knew she loved it by the way she was spinning in it before it was time to get it pinned so the zipper could be put in. When she had her baptism interview the Bishop asked her 2 questions "Do you want to be baptized?" and "Why are we baptized?" Ruby told him " Because it is the first step to making it back to Heavenly Father." The Bishop told Jed he had never heard an 8 year old give him and answer like that. She has progressed very quickly with her Article of Faith memorization and we are currently working on #9, which she has down pat except for the few extra words she adds in at the end.

Emma asked me the other day "Does daddy have school tonight?" I told her yes, and her face dropped quickly. I told her that Daddy would be done with his Bachelors in December and then he would be home with us every evening. Her face lit up as she said "That means we can have family time any time we want to." I know they miss him so much when he isn't here, but this year is going to just fly by.

This is how Jax feels about turning 4 weeks. I am feeling it too friends, I am feeling it too.

Monday, January 20, 2014


-While Emma was cleaning the living room she was singing Trouble by Taylor Swift, and Eli would mimmick her and say "Trouble, Trouble" in a high pitched voice. Emma also spent the weekend in a swirl of emotions, because she felt like she was being teased by all of us but really we just would laugh because she was being so cute. She would either be crying, shouting about the fact that we were hurting her feelings or pleading her case Sunday morning that she was sensitive.

- I exercised  6 days last week and, and I lost a little over a lb. which is good, because there has been times where I have lost weight quickly and had to be really strict but it never stays off, this way I have been able to calculate my evening treat into my calorie allotment and it feels much more doable and more like a long run plan. my girls even worked out with me this morning and kept saying "Bob is funny" and "When do we get our water break?"

-Ruby had her baptism interview this weekend and is all ready to go. She keeps saying "X amount of days until I am baptized!" And how she wishes far away family could be here. She made all of the assignments of who was doing what and selected her brunch menu. Her sweet primary teacher is making her baptism dress. This woman is quite amazing, she is the most spry and active woman that I have ever met and she is 75. She has so much love for Ruby and has been so good in helping Ruby grow in the gospel in the past year. Ruby had her measurement taken last week and it was a very exciting thing for her.

-We are working on the Articles of Faith so that Ruby can pass all of them off and recieve her ice cream trip with her teacher. She knows #1-5 and we set a goal to learn one a week so that she can have them memorized.

- Sunday night we got everyone into bed and were sitting on the couch together. We heard Eli scraping things on his walls, which isn't uncommon, but Jed felt like we should go check on him. He opened his door and there was absolute silence for about a minute then he calls down the hall "Ash, can you put Jax down for a minute and come here?" I come down the hall and Jed has Eli by the wrists, and his hands are covered in poop, and Eli "painted" it all over his wall. I got Eli showered he was very upset by that. Jed started cleaning Eli's room and then I made Eli lay on our bed until we were done cleaning and then bleaching his wall. When we got Eli into bed, I commended Jed for how calm he was was and how well he handled it. He told me that they took and anger test at work a few weeks ago and he scored very low. He said "Ten years ago things on that test would have made me really mad, but I think having Eli for our son has really taught me that things are things and that people are more important than stuff." I like him. Glad that experience is over and hope there isn't a repeat, I am also really grateful Jed was here to help, I may have gone postal.

-Jaxon is starting to fill out and is starting to lose that newborn look. He is such a sweet boy, his hasn't lost his hair, which all of my other babies had by this point. So no George Castanza quite yet. :) He is so strong, he rolled from his tummy to his back today, maybe it was a fluke but it was fun to see, he likes to lift his back end off the floor like a half superman and is starting to pick his head up for a few seconds.
-I forgot to post these cute photos from Christmas

Thursday, January 16, 2014

Twins 6 years apart

It baffles me how much Emma and Jaxon look alike, people that didn't even know Emma as a baby think they look alike. For your viewing pleasure, photo evidence. :)

Monday, January 13, 2014

The boy who turned 2 weeks

Life has a little more normalcy now, meaning that I can find time to play games with the girls, Jaxon is awake a little bit more during the day, dinners can be made and things are in the works to get me back to my pre-pregnancy weight. Meaning I have 20 to go until I get to my pre-preg and then I have 15 more to loose. I am using my fitness pal and logging my food and I started exersizing today. It is a good feeling. I am going to make a paper chain and each lb. I loose will equal a loop on the chain, so I can visually see the work I have done and not get discouraged.

We had a really fun weekend, my friend Kim sent me a "baby tax" gift card to Wendy's. She seriously is so nice. I felt so loved when it arrived. She has been a constant supporter of me and been staying in touch. I am grateful for her. The kids and I took a little excursion to the Wendy's drive through. I made them eat dinner at home and then picked myself up a treat and they got frosties. It is amazing how much just a little trip out of the house does me good. The evening was so fun, and we finished it watching Monsters University and Jaxon slept in until 9, the next morning giving me 3 good hours of sleep. It was wonderful.

Saturday we went shopping, and stocked up on healthy foods and lots of variety and Ruby had a birthday party. Jed and spent the evening watching a few episodes of White Collar and taking turns keeping Jaxon awake. I am grateful for the time here and there to just be together, it means so much and I look forward to the opportunities when they come.

Sunday Jaxon was slept a lot, I got an hour nap in while everyone else was at church. I think it so interesting how as much as I am not a fan of 1 o'clock church I also love it because I have discovered that the kids just entertain themselves and play before church where as if we have lots of time afterward they spend the afternoon asking me what they can do and want to be entertained. It's all about the silver linings.We ended the day playing "who's older" a little invention of Jed's and the kids have to guess who is older out of two different family members. We shook it up a little last night and did historical figures, and also played Authors with the girls. We made the rule that if there was any crying of any kind that player would be "eliminated" and have to go to their room. :) We are working on good sportsmanship around these parts.

Ruby is like a second mother to Jaxon and likes to help with all aspects of his care, and is like a little alarm that informs me what he needs. The other day when I was changing him he peed over the side of the pack and play changing table and onto the floor, and almost blasted me with his baby mustard. It was a close call. :)

Jaxon made it back up to his birth weight, he was down 13 oz and made it up. He has put on a 1/2 an inch, and got his first prescription for an eye infection. He took the PKU like a champion and the office staff loaded me up with formula samples since they knew that it wasn't our original plan. I am in pretty good spirits about BF not working out, but I miss the closeness of it, but know that I did the right thing for us. 

Life just feels glowy, minus being tired. However last night Jaxon woke up just to eat, and I was able to spend a good portion of the night in my bed and from to 2 to 7 we were in the rocker but it was uninterrupted sleep and I just snuggled him and we both slept.It was delightful. I am so grateful to be a mother, I don't think I am horrifically talented at too many of a thing but I really do feel like my talent is to be content being a mother and being home with my babies and just enjoying them. It is such a gift and blessing and I am thankful that I love my job so much. Having such a big gap in between my boys has given me so much appreciation for the miracle of being pregnant and giving birth and having a little one again. It is something that we wanted but had to wait for things and time to be right. You can't put a price on how amazing bodies are and all the things they can do. I love being a mother, I really do feel it is what I have been given time for.

I took a few pictures of the sweet notes that my kids have made me. Ruby made the apple at school for meand the little note while Jaxon was in the hospital. Two Sunday's ago we were talking about testimonies and how we can know the Church is true and while that was going on Emma went and got a peice of paper and started writing what she knows. I love her and how cute her phonetic spelling is. both of my girls love to write and they are constantly giving me gifts like this.

Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Coming home

I love being home! Adjustment for everyone has gone really well. Eli repeats what he hears so when Jax would cry Eli would scream in his face for the first 2 days. He would go to his room each time it happened and he doesn't do it anymore, He is very sweet with the baby and can be found saying phrases like "What's wrong, honey?" "Come here, baby." "It's ok, Daxon." It really has been quite a miracle to see. The girls have done pretty good as well, a couple times Ruby would say things like "This has been a bad day." Which I would smile at because it would be said right after they got home from the movies with Jed. Emma has taken on what I call the "kicked dog" look a few times, when we have had to talk to her in a grumpy or louder than normal voice because she is doddling and is going to be late for her ride to school or is just ignoring us.

Jaxon loves to be held and so he spends half the night in his crib and once he is fed and being held, he doesn't want to go back and cries after 15 minutes or so of being in the crib, he has struggled to keep the binki in his mouth for the first week and so he and I have spend the other half of the night either on the couch or in the recliner. I am so thankful for comfy furniture because I can sleep too.

Nursing has been a real struggle for us. I thought it was going so well, until I took him to his appt at 5 days and he had lost 13 oz. The ped said he needed to put weight on, and with pumping I was only getting a 1/2 to 1 tsp of milk, so it was there but supply was horrible, and I have been glued to the couch for over a week. It was bringing me down. A friend gave me some excellent advice and said "What ever you do, do it with love, weather it is bottle or breastfeeding do it with love." She is brilliant. I decided yesterday for my mental health I was going to bottle feed and I have felt so much better. I have had so much support from friends and family via visits, phone calls and texts. they are incredible. Jed has also been supportive in whatever I have chosen to do and has been a great support here at home and also emotionally. He gave me a Priesthood blessing a few nights ago and it helped so much.

The girls love to hold Jaxon, it took Eli about a week to want to hold him. All three have been extremely good helpers, doing whatever needed to be done, Ruby even learned how to change Eli's diapers this past week.

You really do forget how small these little ones are, I love how cuddly and warm they are. Jaxon smiles in his sleep a lot and with all of the faces he pulls I see each of my children in him and have even thought he looks like my brother Spencer. He has even tried to suck his fingers like Spencer used to. We are nipping that in the bud, one finger sucker in the family is enough for us. :)

Wishing the weather was warmer so I could go for a walk.

Eli went to Sunbeams for the first time ever and I was SO worried about how he would do. Jed sent me a text and said he was having a hard time. This was before they got everyone in their seats and there was lots of pandemonium. As soon as Eli's teacher came, he left Jed's side and went and sat with his class and did really great, and participated in singing time. In class though his teacher took her eyes off him for a few minutes and he decorated the back of his metal chair with green crayon. Oops. I am so happy that overall he did excellent. He just seems to keep doing better and better.

Jed was sleeping with Jax and I was hoping to get a picture of them sleeping together, but instead it scared Jed awake, hence the deer in the headlights look.

Saturday, January 4, 2014

Mr. Jaxon's Debut

Jed and I went to the hospital on the morning of the 28th, the evening before I was waiting for the hospital to call me and they never did. By 10 p.m. I decided it was reasonable for me to call them and see what was happening. The Dr. had me scheduled for 6:15 a.m. but the charge nurse said the day had been crazy and would like me to call her at 5 a..m the next morning to see if that time would still work, and if not they would push it back.

I called at 5 and she asked if I could come in at 7. I felt fine with that and quite relieved because I was worried they would push me way back. We got our other littles into the car and took them to my mama's. And then headed to the hospital, the intake lady seemed quite surprised when we arrived and told us that no one informed her and that they should have. It was a slow start and the room wasn't ready and there was no pitocin available right away so we took it leisurely and by about 9 a.m. things started rolling.

I was having small contractions on my own and I was dilated to a 2 and effaced about 60%, Dr. came and broke my water. Normal for me is to have a huge gush, but this time there was just a trickle and then nothing. The Dr. told me I made this baby too comfortable,  because baby was up so high. I responded "I think I make all of my babies too comfortable." He laughed and agreed. They started the 2 IV's and I decided that I wasn't sure if I wanted the epidural or not because it doesn't last very long on me and I hate being super numb when they have to redo it to give me the numb effect and so the nurse brought me a booklet that had lots of ideas on coping mechanisms and strategies. I used those for about 2 1/2 hours, walked around and stood up and peed like a million times, Jed always helped me with the cords and stretching the IV pole to the ladies facility.  until I was at a 3 and decided that I wanted it. It was my Dr. that checked me and he wasn't wearing his scrubs because he went next door to work out while he waited for things to progress.

The anesthesiologist came in and gave me the goods and told me as she put the medicine in I may feel a jolt in my leg. I hadn't ever experienced that before but this time I did and it felt like I was being shocked in my knee cap. The nurse told me later that she had heard about it but had never witnessed it happen.They turned me on my back to get check me and get all of the monitors adjusted and I felt like I was going to throw up. It was fun. :)

After I got the epidural Jed asked me if I wanted to take a nap. I did and I dozed of for about an hour and a half and then woke up to lots of pressure and feeling lots of contractions. The nurse checked me and I was dilated to a 5. We told her that I go very quickly from a 5 to a 10 very quickly. She checked me 30 minutes later confused at to why my Dr. called and insisted because she said she just checked me and sure enough I was an 8 and she went to call the Dr. and get the room set up for delivery. Jed was so sweet, I was still mildly numb but could feel a lot, Jed rubbed my neck and shoulders to help keep me calm, it really helped.

Dr. arrived 15 minutes later and we were ready to push.

Dr. arrived and we pushed for 3 sets of 10 three times. I got a major nose bleed and Jed helped keep my face clean for me as I pushed. As Jaxon's head was crowning and being delivered the dr. noticed that he had the cord around his neck twice and was able to unloop it. It didn't effect his heart rate or anything which was good. On the last push out of 3 he was here. His face was blue and it took a bit for him to cry, his color eventually changed and he has been great. Delivery was 5 hours, I shant complain about that.

He is the sweetest boy. His face was a little swollen from the cord around his neck, I think he looked a lot like Ruby the first day and now I think he looks like Emma's twin in boy form. :) I bled really heavy the first day and was passing clots the size of salad plates, which meant a lot of kneading of my middle section. Most unpleasant.

Jaxon just likes to be held and be close, he didn't stay in the nursery much because they could never make him happy but he was happy when he was with me. I like being in the hospital because I get 3 meals and don't have to worry about anyone else, but I hate being woken up repeatedly and I get lonely and miss my family. I cried when Jed had to leave to take care of the kids.

It was such a great experience having a healthy baby this time and not having to worry about lots of health problems. We are so in love with this little guy and so blessed to have him  with us.