Over the last couple of weeks I have been feeling most drab. I have this weird thing that I do that is kind of like self punishment. Like when Emma was born, I refused to buy new pants to fit my bigger size because I wanted to be in my skinny jeans, so I lost no weight what so ever and wore maternity pants for 6 months. Or like the time in 5th grade I didn't tell my mom where I was going and got a talking to, and ended up grounding myself. I get into this thought process that I don't deserve things because I am not a certain way or I think up punishment that is supposed to motivate me and instead it only depresses me. So I decided I needed a change, I got some new make-up( which I haven't bought in over a year) and I got my haircut. It made all the difference in the world for me. I actually felt good about myself.
I had my 36 week appointment yesterday and Eli's heartbeat was 139 and I am measuring at 40 centimeters. So basically I am measuring full term when I have 4 1/2 weeks to go. I got the group B strep test done yesterday, results should be in next week. I am dilated to 1 cm and I am 50% effaced. So things are moving along. I am usually so exhausted at the end of the day and Jed lovingly reminded me that if I needed a break, it is ok to let the girls watch more t.v. than I normally do. He said "You can't do it all, all the time."
Yesterday was filled with visits from/with special people we don't get to see very often. My grandma was down for part of the week and it was such a treat to visit with her and for my girls to get to be with her. She gave me a very sweet surprise. She made me two receiving blankets, a burp cloth and three pairs of crocheted booties. My grandma loves to crochet but I know that it is getting harder for her. It was a gift filled with so much love and it made me feel extremely loved that she would take the time to do that for me.
Great Grandpa Romig isn't doing very well. He has lost a lot of weight over the last few months and even more rapidly in the last couple days. We don't know how much longer he will be with us, but felt that we needed to get up to the VA to see him sooner rather than later. We took the girls up last night and Ruby was very apprehensive to even go into his room. But after being with her in the hall for 5 minutes she decided she wanted to. She didn't want to touch him or give him a kiss but she sang a song for him. Emma seemed more comfortable and also sang for him. It was so hard for me to see him so sick. He is such a sweet man and has been an important part of Jed's life. Ruby kept telling me on the way home " When Grandpa Ralph is better can we go see him at his house?" "I just want him to get better." "Did he eat bad food is that why he is sick?" We have been trying in the simplest ways possible to help her understand that he isn't going to get better and will probably be returning to Heavenly Father soon. She seems to be getting it. It makes me very grateful for the assurance I have that we will see him again, and that our relationships can continue after this life.
In parting, a sweet little picture of Miss Emma enjoying a scoop of ice cream at Grandmas.
Oatmeal Toffee Chocolate Chip Cookies
4 days ago