Wednesday, March 10, 2010

36 and then some

Over the last couple of weeks I have been feeling most drab. I have this weird thing that I do that is kind of like self punishment. Like when Emma was born, I refused to buy new pants to fit my bigger size because I wanted to be in my skinny jeans, so I lost no weight what so ever and wore maternity pants for 6 months. Or like the time in 5th grade I didn't tell my mom where I was going and got a talking to, and ended up grounding myself. I get into this thought process that I don't deserve things because I am not a certain way or I think up punishment that is supposed to motivate me and instead it only depresses me. So I decided I needed a change, I got some new make-up( which I haven't bought in over a year) and I got my haircut. It made all the difference in the world for me. I actually felt good about myself.



I had my 36 week appointment yesterday and Eli's heartbeat was 139 and I am measuring at 40 centimeters. So basically I am measuring full term when I have 4 1/2 weeks to go. I got the group B strep test done yesterday, results should be in next week. I am dilated to 1 cm and I am 50% effaced. So things are moving along. I am usually so exhausted at the end of the day and Jed lovingly reminded me that if I needed a break, it is ok to let the girls watch more t.v. than I normally do. He said "You can't do it all, all the time."

Yesterday was filled with visits from/with special people we don't get to see very often. My grandma was down for part of the week and it was such a treat to visit with her and for my girls to get to be with her. She gave me a very sweet surprise. She made me two receiving blankets, a burp cloth and three pairs of crocheted booties. My grandma loves to crochet but I know that it is getting harder for her. It was a gift filled with so much love and it made me feel extremely loved that she would take the time to do that for me.





Great Grandpa Romig isn't doing very well. He has lost a lot of weight over the last few months and even more rapidly in the last couple days. We don't know how much longer he will be with us, but felt that we needed to get up to the VA to see him sooner rather than later. We took the girls up last night and Ruby was very apprehensive to even go into his room. But after being with her in the hall for 5 minutes she decided she wanted to. She didn't want to touch him or give him a kiss but she sang a song for him. Emma seemed more comfortable and also sang for him. It was so hard for me to see him so sick. He is such a sweet man and has been an important part of Jed's life. Ruby kept telling me on the way home " When Grandpa Ralph is better can we go see him at his house?" "I just want him to get better." "Did he eat bad food is that why he is sick?" We have been trying in the simplest ways possible to help her understand that he isn't going to get better and will probably be returning to Heavenly Father soon. She seems to be getting it. It makes me very grateful for the assurance I have that we will see him again, and that our relationships can continue after this life.

In parting, a sweet little picture of Miss Emma enjoying a scoop of ice cream at Grandmas.



9 comments:

  1. I think you look beautiful! When I was last pregnant, I decided to let my hair grow out until after I had my baby. What a big mistake! I felt so ugly the whole entire time. Next baby, I am definitely going to keep it cut so I can look cute when I want.

    You totally deserve to feel good about yourself, especially when you are doing something so wonderful! I hope these next 4 weeks go super quick!

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  2. You look absolutely adorable pregnant! My last month of being pregnant I wore the same pants everyday and I didn't care! They were cute and super comfy and they made me feel good.

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  3. Way to take care of yourself!!! You look great! But, I COMPLETELY understand how you feel. Being pregnant and post pregnancy is a difficult time, but you look great so don't stress. ps. your girls are adorable!

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  4. I love your hair cut! It's super cute. And I think pregant people are the cutest. So. No worries.
    Also, I feel for you about your grandpa. My grandpa was up at the VA nursing home for two years and towards the end it was so hard to see him so deteriorated, but I'm sure that he loved the visit and just cherished the song from your precious girls! Love them!

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  5. Oh Ashley! How exciting for you. You're in the home stretch! Hang in there. That's fun you got to spend time with Grandma Whiting. :)

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  6. Your grandma's gifts for Eli are so precious! She's talented, just like your mom, your sister, and you. Maybe I can learn some of your artistic skills someday =) You look wonderful, and I'm glad you made some changes for yourself. it's amazing how things like that can make a difference. They really do! I got your email, by the way, and typical me, I just haven't remembered to reply until now. Postposing is totally fine and totally understandable. Please let us know when Eli comes! We would love to come see you at the hospital. Do you need anything right now? I'm glad Jed's encouraging you to take a break. You're superwoman, and you deserve to take it easy, especially right now. We're sad to hear that Jed's grandpa isn't doing well, and so glad you could all visit him. We love you guys!

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  7. I cant believe how close you are! I am the same way about buying bigger stuff. So then I just wear sweats or skirts with elastic waists. lol It is no fun! I still would love to get together!

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  8. You look BEAUTIFUL. Seriously. I am excited to keep checking back to see when this little guy arrives!!!

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  9. Totally missed this post earlier...You are too cute. Love the pictures! Girl you are pregnant! The end is so the worst...feeling huge and ugly at times, which you are not! And Jeddies is right you can't do it all all the time! Give yourself a good 3 months after Eli is born before you start getting hard on yourself. Let it be a little "love yourself" time. You'll be a better you. OH and I totally wore JEANS everyday to work at a court house the last month of my pregnancy! It's a right of passage right? Oh and gosh, what sad times with dealing with Jeb's grandpa. That would be super hard with having a child that talks and processes things with difficult situations like this. I am sorry to hear it all. Glad you saw heather face! and it would be an absolute dream come true to get our tweddlers together! That'd love each other. Don't know where we could find a place big enough to house all the big personalities! lol. Well, you are a beauty and I'll be sending happy feeling and prayers to you and your family. Crazy times!

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