Sometimes I cry

Sometimes I get to comfortable when Eli has a streak of good health. I forget too easy what it is too be afraid again, when he his out of my sight worrying about all the what if's, and the knots I get in my stomach as I watch that sweet little boy go through a seizure(s). This morning I got up early and put my oatmeal together and I just felt I needed to check on Eli. I went into his room and as I looked into his bed, his eyes were rolled into the back of his head, and he had saliva running out of is mouth and his arm was waving like he was leading music, and his little body was shaking. It was horrific, to see happen.

I quickly picked him up and carried him to the couch on his side and set a timer, in case he needed his rescue med. The minutes feel so long and I feel so helpless as I hold him all the while praying that the seizure will subside. It stopped after 2 minutes and Ruby came up and was sitting on the couch by me. His seizures make him tired. So he took a little 15 minute nap and at that point I realized that his meds were one the counter in the oral syringe and didn't get them before bed last night. I had Ruby grab it and I gave it to him slowly as he slept, as he woke he had another small one and I asked Ruby to run and get our neighbors. They are incredible, they were to our door in less than a minute. Gary and Caleb were able to administer a Priesthood blessing to Eli. So grateful to have worthy men so close when Jed is away.

As he snapped out of it, he asked to eat and kept saying "hide" and wanted to be covered with his blanket. My neighbors stayed and I went into the kitchen to get him some pancakes. He was in there with me and fell to the floor and had another small seizure. I hate it so much. It makes my heart so sad.

I was able to get him to eat after a little bit, and we were just waiting for the Neurology line to open at Primary's so I could leave a  message for the nurses. Normally it takes about 24 hours for them to get back to you, but they called me in about 2 hours and then they got a message over to his Dr. and she called me and we will be going in to talk about possible new med options or adding a second med, since he is pretty much maxed out on what he is on now.

Often the tutor in life is pain. Some lessons hurt so much, and yet there is value and importance in them. The greatest comfort I find when I am worried or crying about Eli is that Heavenly Father is in the details. Most of the time I don't have the answers to my questions, and the why's and how's but I know that the Lord's hand is in all things and we can trust Him. He cares about the things we care about. And for now that is enough.