Friday, August 6, 2010


Let me say trying to take a 4 month old boy that loves his sleep off that schedule makes for a horrible morning. I got up and fed him at 4 a.m. and then Jed went in to get him at 4:3o since we had to wake him up two hours earlier than normal. I got up with him at 6 so Jed could get some sleep, and then that is when the struggle began. He wanted to go to sleep so badly and so I spent that hour and a half dancing him around, talking to him, putting brightly colored toys in his face, and worst of all throwing him up in the air to wake him up. I can't think of anything he hates more. I wanted to cry.

He just wanted to eat and sleep but I knew if I fed him he would conk out so we held out for as long as possible. By 8 he seemed to be doing ok, and then as we went out the door he got into his car seat and was falling asleep, so we had to do the meanest thing ever. We had to take his clothes off and turn the A/C on. We felt so bad, submitting him to mild torture, but we knew that this small moment of discomfort would be better for him in the long run. What a relief it was to get to the hospital and be able to put his clothes on and get him ready for his test.

We were taken to a room where he got to have his head exfoliated and then have 23 electrodes with conductivity paste on them attached to different points all over his head. Then they wrapped his head in gauze to keep them in place. He didn't love it but was so happy when we finally to got to the point that we could feed him and swaddle him for the test. We sat in the dark with him for 25 minutes while they ran the test and then they came in and put a strobe light right over his face for 3 minutes to see the response to the light. After that we were done and we will have the results in a week.

I learned something from this experience. Sometimes when I go through a trial I think to myself, why do I have to go through this, it's painful and I am exhausted. Just like with Eli, I was right there with him wanting to do nothing more than end his discomfort and hold him close, knowing all the while that if I took that route he wouldn't get the help that he needed, and all of the sleep that he had already missed out on would be wasted. I think Heavenly Father is just like that. He is right there beside us wanting our discomfort to end but knowing that the outcome of our sorrows are far more valuable than if we had never gone through them. He love us enough to allow that. It was so hard to let Eli cry when he was so sad, but I did it because I knew it was the best thing for him. It was a very eye opening experience for me, it helped me realize how very much we are loved.


  1. Ashley-

    I love how you put this in perspective. This is a good way to think of how our Heavenly Father feels about us. Thanks for sharing, I really needed it. You are such a great mother Ashley, I hope all is well.

  2. I wish you could get the results sooner. The wait is killing me. I can't imagine being in your shoes. Good luck!

  3. I remember doing that test with Becca when she was a year old, it was horrible. We also stripped her down and would put cold drinks on her because it was the ONLY thing that would keep her awake. I was so glad when we were done. We were told that most kids that have seizures will react to the strobe test and if he didn't I would think the results would be positive and a lot more in his favor. I am glad you are through this hurdle. Hang in there!

  4. Sounds horrible! You are very creative with keeping him awake. When Ash used to begin falling asleep, but we were almost home, we did this horrible whooping call, or we would get really excited about the "dog" and she'd perk right up to see the dog that wasn't really there. At least your torture was for good reason.

    I heard about Eli's latest. I'm sorry. I hope the results can give you some answers and hopefully some things to help.